Thursday, February 23, 2012

Third Installment of RHBH Reunion: "I am Not a Crook"

Hello my darlings.  I was not going to write on the third reunion episode because I was sooooo over it, but one of my wonderful readers asked where my write-up was and I couldn't resist.  So here's my little blurb...

Dana got a call from the producers at 2:45pm on the day of the reunion filming.  The call went like this:

Dana: "Hello, did you know $25,000?"
Producer: "Hi Dana, yes we know.  Listen, it turns out Giggy can't make it today to be interviewed on the couch with the real Real Housewives, so we were wondering if you could come in and fill his three minute interview slot."
Dana: "You mean I get to sit on the couch with all my very best friends in the whole world who I just met???"
Producer: "Well, not exactly.  You'll get a stupid chair."
Dana: "I'll be there in ten minutes."

Ok so, Dana shows up wearing a mermaid disco ball which she will not disclose the designer of (THANK YOU) and shoes that read "F*** You" on them, cause she's classy.  A blind man with revenge on the mind did her make-up and she stopped by CVS Pharmacy on the way to filming to pick up some extensions.  She was pretty pleased with herself.  She was ready for her last hurrah.

Dana sat on the reject chair and told us how she grew up penniless with not a dime to her name.  She went from that to going to the most prestigeous private school in New York because her dad was cray wealthy.  But wait, her mom died in a car accident (there is nothing funny about that btw) when she was fifteen so she had to pull herself up by the F*** You straps and make it all on her own.  Oh, except for that super wealthy father of hers.  This is why she strives to be part of this crowd.  Also, being a blatant ass kisser without a mind of your own is totally what she's always wanted to be so if you don't like it, read her shoes.

Time for Dana was running out because they had to return that chair to poor Jaimie the chair rental guy from Taylor's hootenanny who Taylor rubbed her nipples all over after yelling his name all over the ranch.  Anyway, in her last moments, Dana was asked about her behavior at Game Night.  She basically blamed Brandi and said she was "poking" at everyone all night so Dana was justified in her shitty hostessing.  She said she was trying to protect Kim's children, whateverthefuck that means.  Brandi was like, "Whatever Bitch, I'm on a couch," and that was it for Dana.  I'm pretty sure they hooked her off-stage before she could even give a farewell price quote.

Andy brought the husbands in for a moment.  We found out Mauricio is still harboring bitter feelings towards Kim, has a really white butt, is actually a nice Jewish boy and not a hot Latin Luuurver, and is a fine tennis player.  Ken doesn't know where he is, but he knows if he takes his shirt off Brandi will go wild.  And Paul, well Paul and Taylor had this REALLY awkward exchange where she ran over gleefully for an impromtu check of her face nubbins.  Oh Taylor.  This betch is weeping one minute, going Oklahoma on someone's ass the next, then gleefully face rubbing on some portly plastic surgeon.  Cray.

Oh the moment we've all not really been waiting for.  Kim Richards gets out of rehab and does a television interview with Andy Cohen.  Looking a bit healthier with a good 10 lbs gained and a spray tan, Kim clutches her clutch as she doesn't really answer any of Andy's questions.  The woman was in rehab for 30 days and it should have been 90 days.  She takes almost no responsibility and holds almost no accountability.  That is called being "dry" not sober.  Also, she was DEFINITELY still on prescription meds because, not only did she admit that but she also had the rolly eyes, the slurred speech, and at points I watched her twitch like a heroin addict who needed a fix.  It went like this:

Andy: "So have you and Mauricio gotten past your differences you ran into in Hawaii?"
Kim (slurring): "You know whaaaaat, that's my sister's husband.  Everyone knoooows I'm closer to Rick, my other broooother-in-law.  I havent' forgiven him!  For the truth stuff.  He had no riiiiight to talk to me like that, like, enjoy your own life."  
Andy: "What did you go to rehab for?"
Kim: "Alcoholic.  I'm an alcoholic."
Andy: "Is that what you were snorting in the bathroom before the SUR launch party?"
Kim: "ummmm, Yes."

Ok then Kyle comes out in a gawddamn sparkly blazer and it's like, REALLY?  Kyle literally cast her sister on the show.  She put her on the show knowing she was an alcoholic.  I can't.  I can't get behind the logic on this one.  What is going to make an alcoholic think they don't have an actual problem??  CASTING THEM ON A REALITY TV SHOW.  Kyle, you're dead to me.  Not only because of this, but a lot because of this.  I understand it's pretty much the worst thing in the world to have a loved one with an addiction problem but the words "Fame whore" keep rolling around in my plastic little head.

I don't think Kim will stay sober.  She does not seem to have the right tools yet.  She actually blamed Brandi for hurting her family.  She never acknowledged having hurt her own family, just placed the blame squarely on Brandi.  This is not the sentiment of a person who has properly completed rehab.  She should be APOLOGIZING to all the women, to her sister, to her brother-in-law, and to Brandi because she can only be accountable for her own actions, not others, and she should recognize that her alcoholism affected these people negatively.  But she doesn't.  And she didn't admit she was on drugs, whatever those drugs may have been.  And that would be fine if she didn't want to say it on TV, but then why come on at all?  Bravo, cut her loose.  You just look like a bunch of assholes now if you don't.  Also, get rid of Taylor for the love of Jim-God.

That is all my friends.  Please excuse any typos as I did not proofread this.  I promise to post the blog for this past Tuesday's episode of RHOC tomorrow, know that. 


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